Last night, as I was eating, not one, but four of the delicious brownies my daughter baked, I started thinking about failed New Year's resolutions. We all start with good intentions but most resolutions will fail by February. Some of us won’t even set one this year, convinced it would end in disappointment. Deciding not to try at all might feel like saving yourself from failure, but in reality, it’s just disappointment in advance.
Top resolutions like exercising more, eating healthier, losing weight, saving money, and reducing stress are incredibly common. Yet, many of us struggle to achieve them. Why? Because we’re often fighting against our own biology. Let’s explore why this happens and set ourselves up for success in 2025.
Why We Fail at Creating New Habits
Relying solely on willpower to achieve goals is a recipe for failure, not because you’re weak, but because it’s how our brains are wired. Here are some key facts about brain function that play a role:
Energy Efficiency: The brain uses a lot of energy, so it’s designed to automate processes to conserve resources.
Reward System: The brain prioritizes behaviors that trigger dopamine, the chemical associated with rewards. When you eat a sugary treat or receive a social media notification, your brain gives you a dopamine hit, reinforcing that behavior.
Willpower is a fixed resource: The prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning and self-control, goes offline when we’re “tapped-out”, leaving us at the mercy of our more primitive, reward-driven brain.
These factors create what’s known as the habit loop: a trigger prompts a behavior that leads to a reward. This loop makes habits automatic. They are sometimes so automatic we don’t even notice them. While this efficiency helps us brush our teeth and drive to work without excessive brain-drain, it’s also the reason we instinctively reach for a snack (or a drink) when we get home from work.
Why Bad Habits Feel Good (and Good Habits Feel Hard)
The modern world offers rewards far more intense than our brains evolved to handle. For example, in nature, a berry gives a modest dopamine hit, while processed sugar delivers an overwhelming surge. The brain thinks, “if some is good, more must be better”. Logically we know this to be untrue but we receive strong messages from our brain to get MORE. In addition, the brain’s drive for immediate gratification often leads us to prioritize short-term pleasure over the delayed pleasure we receive from long-term goals.
This conflict creates a cycle: we indulge in bad habits for instant rewards, then feel guilt or shame, which reinforces the very behavior we’re trying to escape. To break a bad habit and create a new one, you have to pull it out of the unconscious automatic primitive area of the brain, re-wire it, and then put it back into the automatic zone.
6 Strategies to Build Lasting Habits
Awareness and Kindness: Understand that you’re not weak; you’re human. Acknowledge the habit loop without judgment. Expect setbacks and treat them as practice. The shame and disgust that come from beating yourself up only strengthen the bad habit you are trying to break.
Find Your Why: A compelling reason can help you endure the discomfort of change. Whether it’s improving your health or building a better future, keep your motivation front and center. Connect with your future self to strengthen your connection to the pleasure you will receive from your long-term goal.
Habit Stacking: In order to help automate a new habit, try attaching it to one that already exists. For example, if you’re trying to get strong, try doing squats while you brush your teeth.
Stimulus Coupling: Take a pleasurable activity and attach it to a desired behavior. For example, decide that you will only watch your favorite Netflix show while walking on the treadmill.
Plan Ahead: Make decisions when your prefrontal cortex is in charge. Lay out gym clothes the night before or schedule meal prep time. Set your environment up for success.
Practice Discomfort: Change is uncomfortable. Sitting with the discomfort of a craving or pushing through the resistance to go to the gym strengthens your ability to prioritize long-term goals over immediate rewards.
Bonus Tip: Strengthen Your Prefrontal Cortex
Practices like mindfulness and meditation can enhance your brain’s capacity for self-control, making it easier to resist temptations and stay aligned with your goals.
Creating lasting habits isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. Be kind to yourself, stay curious, and keep practicing. Remember, every small step forward is progress.
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